Tag Archives: cheating

Stubborn

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I’ve been tweeting more than blogging recently, you can follow me @dirtylittlew :)

I was breaking and wanting to talk to mr mm. He was getting to me.
I hadn’t gone this far to break, I needed to get the messages to stop. I could have spoke to his wife, ruined his business and caused him a costly divorce. Instead, I went to the police. It seems harsh, but really was the kindest answer. They took it very seriously, 130 messages in an hour, over 300 a day continuously for 3 weeks, card, letters, emailing my mother.
They thought he was a serious threat to my health, so he was arrested. This was to make him understand what he was doing was unacceptable.
He was given a harassment warning. If he contacts me directly or indirectly through my friends/family he will be arrested again.
I can’t say it worked, he then turned to tweeting. Saying horrible things about me but without including my twitter id I can’t report it.
I couldn’t cope and had suicidal thoughts. Back to the doctors to increase my medication.
Today I’m not going to read his tweets. Why am I giving him the power back? I need to get rid of him for good. Stop thinking about him.
It’s a lot easier said than done, but I’m going to try.

I may have been weak, but he forgot just how bloody stubborn I am!

The Truth

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He wants to know the details.

In fairness, I would want to know the details too. But honestly, I don’t think I’d care if he slept with someone else. I always ask him about who’s he’s slept with. It’s interesting, is it not? I made it quite clear that we could both still sleep with whoever we wanted, he chose not to. His choice. He’s still with his wife so we aren’t together properly.

Aparently the fact I misbehaved slightly means that I don’t care about him. Not true, I was just having some fun. Nothings changed between me and him. But according to him I ended us on Saturday night (erm, I think he finished me about a month ago?)

I haven’t told him exactly what happened yet. He knows I slept with one person. That’s all it is technically isn’t it? The others were just playing. Is that wrong? I’m not sure how it’s classed! If we were counting oral sex in magic numbers, mine would be increased by a fair few!

To him, he says I’ve cheated. To me, I’ve always told him I’m single. Since he finished me twice, I wasn’t going to get back with him that easily.

He says he can’t trust me anymore. I’ve told him the truth about what happened apart from the actual foursome part and apparently me telling the truth means he doesn’t trust me. I mean come on, where’s the logic in that? I could have lied and said nothing happened, and everything would be absolutely fine. I’m sure that’s a bit fucked up. Who ever said honesty is the best policy?

He knows it’s something I haven’t done before, and that I wanted to try. I thought he’d have worked it out given the amount of times I mention threesomes, the emails he’s seen about them and the blogpost I linked him to!

If you want to know how to have some fun the proper way, and be able to remember it the next morning check out Love Sex And Marriage‘s posts about them

Are you ready?
Issues That May Arise
Where To Find A Third

Or just get really drunk and suggest it to drunk men at 4am ;)
Although, I still can’t remember suggesting it!

Control

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For an easy life, I will back down. I’ll go along with anything. If you start an argument with me, I’ll let you win. It will keep you quiet. I don’t want you getting aggresive and shouting at me. I’m not an aggressive person. I’m passive. Unless you really piss me off, then you’ll get a slap.

But one thing I won’t do, is be pushed away. Not that I’m particuarly clingy. I just won’t stand for it.
I had a friend who lives just around the corner, I would see her most days and always chat to her. One day she fell out with me. I’m not sure what over. I tried to talk to her, she didn’t reply. I left it. That’s how it’s been for 4 months. I don’t like walking past her flat. I feel anxious.

So Mr Married Man decided he wasn’t going to message me much yesterday and wait until I messaged him. As I usually do. Where as I had the idea that I’m fed up of messaging him so he should put some effort in. This caused a stand off. I always had ‘the last word’ in the converstion, so the ball was in his court so to speak.

5 hours later the ranting started as to why the ‘zero contact’. Later I fell asleep, I woke up to fourteen messages from him. I replied, we argued. He mentioned the emails on my phone to ‘Mistress’, and the sex blogs. Apparently it ‘buzzed up’. It may buzz when I get an email, it doesn’t unlock itself and read the email.

He asked if I was cheating, if I wanted to have sex with someone else. Why was I being weird.

‘You’re really looking for an excuse to break up it seems’ he said. ‘Now that’s a very accusing sentence’ I replied.

He keeps saying that I’m being distant, I told him I was busy with work.

‘If you thought I was being distant, why are you pushing me further away?’ ‘Why did you stop talking to me, and decide we shouldn’t go on a date?’

‘Ok I think we’ll end this conversation, I’m getting on the tube, have a good afternoon’.

We’ll end this? That’s him ending it. Running away from the reality.

‘Keep pushing, and I’ll be gone.’ I said.

‘Ok I’ve had enough. you want it, off you go … been discussing wanting sex with other people… you come across as what you are – young, immature at times and who’s idea of a serious relationship was some fucked up bartender and too much Hollyoaks…. I don’t know what you are or what’s happened to you or why… we’re finished – now you can sleep at night and whatever else it is you seem to want…’

So well, that’s that.

I Don’t Understand Men

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Whoever said women were confusing, was wrong. It’s the men. Definitely. They play games.

As I mentioned, I joined a socialising website to meet new people. I met a few people off it, but it was pointless. So I didn’t use the website much. The one thing I did do though was go clubbing every weekend in the West End. There was a host, and about 10/15 people who would go and it was great. I met some lovely people there who I still see and get on well with, and the ones I didn’t like, I didn’t have to talk to.

The host, liked to play games. He had a girlfriend when I met him, yet he still kissed me. He said he wasn’t her girlfriend. So I asked her, she seemed nice, and he seemed like a dick. He denied it completely and by the end of the night she was back with him giggling as he rubbed an ice cube down my arm, winked, and kissed her. A few weeks later she was dumped, no surprise. He would dance with all the girls on the nights out, and pull a few, but always go back to me. If I was dancing with someone else, he would be watching and come over. If I ignored him, he would try harder. He snogged a girl whilst stood next to me to make sure I could see, I ignored him, he then moved behind me to snog her and squeezed my bum. This girl, you could tell, was a clinger. She would not leave him alone for the rest of the night and argued with him for trying to dance with other girls. I thought it was hilarious. I’ve not been on a night out in a while, but text occasionally to see what clubs they’re going to. I said I wasn’t coming out tomorrow. He text me a heart back. I don’t understand. Little things like this confuse me. He said he just felt like sending it.

Then there’s another guy I dated. He could get me my own room at a posh hotel, free dinner with champagne and an unlimited bar tab (although, he wasn’t around at all apart from dinner). One night I got a little bit too drunk, security took me up to his room and we had sex, for about 30 seconds. Impressive right? Didn’t see him much after that. Not seen him in months. At midnight the other week he BBM’s me, pinged me, and rang me as I didn’t respond asking if I was out. I wasn’t and said my bb died as to why I didn’t reply. A week later he asked what I was doing, I said I was at my boyfriends. Oooooh get you!! Are you married yet. Strange reply I thought. Jealous? ;) I replied, as his response was a bit immature to say the least. A tad ;) he replied. So I haven’t seen this guy in months, and now he’s decided he’s jealous because I have a boyfriend. Men, you make no sense.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand!

The Fairytale

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So far I’ve achieved what I want. I’ve moved out from home, far far away (albeit into someone else’s family home) I have a lovely boyfriend (Well, someone else’s husband) I’ve bought a gorgeous princess dress for when I get to walk down the aisle (as a bridesmaid) and I spend the days looking after children (not mine).

The basis of the fairytale is there, just not quite as I would like it!

I have pretty much cheated as to every aspect of ‘growing up’. Nothing I have is my own that I have achieved, I’m just a small piece of everyone else’s life.

So now I’m going to have to start taking these aspects and sort them out to make them my own. I want to have my own fairytale, not just be the pumpkin that turns into the carriage in someone else’s, because after midnight it’s all going to fall apart. I can’t stay like this forever.

Now I’ve realised this though, I’m not one of these people who can just wait around. I don’t want to be wasting my life away waiting to see if the glass slipper fits. For now that’s all I can do though, and be mad at myself for taking so many shortcuts. There is no fairy Godmother, I got myself into this situation and now I need to sort it out. Now, where’s my magic wand? Bippety-boppety-boo!

My Story

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If you think mistress’s are horrible, man stealing, whorish bitches who are so disgusting they can’t find their own men, then yes, I would have to say at some point I would have to agree with you. I absolutely hate the idea. And part of me hates myself for getting in this situation. Okay, a big part.

I have friends who have stolen others boyfriends, and I’ve hated them for it. Of all the fish in the sea, why steal someone elses? This has also lead to other friends trying to commit suicide and a whole big mess. It’s horrible, heart breaking, and unfortunately to some worth trying to take your life.

Now I have a bit of a habit for dating complete dicks who treat me like shit and force all their insecurities on me. I don’t date them on purpose, you just don’t realise how much of a mess you’re in til afterwards.

This is pretty much what happened again in this case, although the guy isn’t a complete dick, as of yet.

I knew he was married. He was open about this from the start. We chatted online for months, nothing serious, just a bit of flirting. There was absolutely no intention of ‘stealing’ this guy at all. We got on quite well and he invited me out for drinks one night. As I was new to the city, I had joined a site which meant I was meeting new random people off the internet each week just to be friends and meet new people in the same boat as me. It wasn’t some shady kind of dating, just going out for drinks, seeing the city and then onto a club, nothing more. So meeting one more wasn’t going to hurt.

We met at a bar in the city. I had never been in the actual business part of the city before so felt completely out of place in my short dress and heels with everyone else in suits. Needless to say I stood out slighty. I just did not belong. After a few cocktails we went to a champagne bar. It was dead. Completely.

You know those scenes in the cheesy movie where the guy stretches and puts his arm around the girl? Yeah, he did that. I thought ‘he’s married, he’s married, he’s married… what the hell is he doing’. I sat further forwards and sipped the champagne wondering how on earth I ended up here.

The bar shut early, after he paid the ridiculously expensive bill, we grabbed a taxi and headed to my favourite club in the west end. Much more in my comfort zone. We seated at a discrete table where no one could see us to continue our drinks, and this is where it all went wrong. We were sat in a corner, with my legs crossed away from him and I had kept my jacket on as I was warming up from the minute walk from the taxi to inside the club. His hands started to wander up my legs. I glared at him as they did so. ‘You’re married, stop it’.He looked back disappointed, ‘Alright, if you don’t want me to’. A few minutes later his hands were wondering again, up my legs, under my jacket and he was getting closer to me. I moved my head away, he tried again. ‘No’ I said, getting quite annoyed. ‘Sorry, I just can’t resist, you look amazing’. I reminded him again ‘You’re married’. He looked at me, a little embarrassed. ‘We’re not together, I told her it was over months ago’. That was all it took for me to kiss him back. That’s how this little story all began.

Welcome to my life.