Tag Archives: christmas

Ghosts of Christmas Past

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Merry Christmas everyone!

Completely at the point where Christmas is just boring. Its just another day. But with some pretty presents to make you smile.

As my sisters family don’t come over until 4pm as her fiancé is working, we go to the pub at lunchtime. Sounds good right? Everyone’s in the festive spirit and buying rounds, no money needed ;)
Would be great, apart from I used to work at the pub. I dated my manager for over a year. He treated me like shit, and I couldn’t escape him as I liked to go socialise in the local pub. I also worked at the nursery in the village and if I broke up with him he would leave notes on my car and always text me or turn up at my house.
He was in a lot of debt, lived at home still, lost his driving licence to drink driving, didnt own a passport and was a dealer. These things I didn’t find out til later. Oh, and the drinking cider from dusk til dawn (insisting this isn’t alcoholism?)
He also had a lot of insecurities. I wasn’t allowed to text my friends, or go out with them. He threw my phone against the wall so it smashed. I had to drive us everywhere. He never gave me any petrol money or said thank you. I always had to go see him, he would never come to me. (unless begging for me back)
I finished him numerous times, but he would worm his way back in. If I went to his parents house to get my things, he locked the doors and wouldn’t let me out. Trap me in his room and not let me out until I agreed to get back with him.
London was my escape, few days before I left I put all his things in a bin bag, made him come to my house so he couldn’t trap me and told him it was over. That was it. I ran away, but it was all I could do.

The thing with living in the country is that people don’t like you leaving. They told me I wouldn’t like London, that I wouldn’t fit in. Honestly, I don’t fit in, in the country!

I came back earlier in the year and I went to the pub with my friend. I wasn’t yet forgiven for leaving. The pub landlady glared at me and disappered, the landlord barely spoke to me, and the ex ignored me. I later had a text saying ‘Thursday wasn’t fair’ at 3am. I didn’t have the number. What wasn’t fair? ‘It wasn’t fair’. Then I realised it was the ex.

Today I survived. I put on my new dress and heels and drank as many drinks as I could flutter my eyelashes at the men. His parents and brother were there. I knew I should talk to them. I couldn’t bring myself to it. I spoke to both the landlady and landlord and they were fine with me this time (possibly just both very drunk). The ex was behind the bar. Thankfully all my drinks were brought to me.

As we got home, I looked at my mum. give it a few minutes. She looked at me confused. My phone beeped, here we go. The ex.

‘I’m sorry for not even saying hello to you today I just cudnt bring maself to look at you wud just make me cry sorry’

I’ve been gone 10 months, and he still can’t look at me without crying. I either completely broke his heart, or he’s just really pathetic. Most likely the latter.

I replied with what my mum told me to write (because otherwise I would have probably been a bit more harsh) but generally just wished him and his family a merry Christmas. I thought he would leave it at that.

A miss u so much

I didn’t reply

8 hours later..

I’m sorry I eva hurt you

I’m still not replying.

I deleted his number when I left. I do not see why he hasn’t done the same.

I told Mr Married Man that I have to see my ex on Christmas day. He asked how it went, so I told him what he text me. sounds like he’s still really into you. He prob realises now what he’s lost… Too late I’m all yours, don’t worry I’m not worried, I know you love me :) <3

I’m expecting a few more pointless texts in the early hours.

I’m now happy in a relationship with Mr Married Man. Not quite as perfect as it could be, but it will be. I miss him. Hopefully next Christmas I will be sharing with him, not the glares from the ex.

I hope your Christmasses were more fun than mine!

Letter To Santa

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I haven’t written a letter to Santa in years. I quite miss it. Hours of looking through the Argos catalogue at toys I wanted, assessing the prices as to what Santa could afford, circling, cutting out, ripping, tearing and trying to write in my neatest handwriting as to why I deserved the present to the value of around £20.
The letter was of course then checked by my parents, for spelling and neatness non the less, and then I would help light the fire, carry the coal and wood in, sprinkle a little sugar on it (that was always the fun part) and hold newspaper across it to help it start up. When it calmed down to a nice flame, I would put my letter towards the chimney and up it would fly out the top and travel on it’s way to Santa.

Technology has changed a lot since I was little, so I’m sure if I put it on this blog his little cyber elves will be sure to find it.

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a little bit naughty this year. I’ve done a lot of things I shouldn’t have done, but none by intention. I blame the alcohol. The alcohol should be on the naughty list, and I should be on the nice list. That is how this should work. I’m sure even you get a bit cheeky after all that egg nog and mulled wine.
I fell in love with someone I shouldn’t have, but thats Cupid’s fault right? No, not your reindeer, that little guy in the nappies with the bow and arrow.

I’m not asking for much this year, not even something to the value of £20.
This year I would like no arguing at Christmas, no attention seeking and tantrums from my sister, and no brother-in-law to be shoving iced cakes down my expensive dress. No mother screaming at me to do everything because no one else can be bothered, no father asking for the receipt for his Christmas presents and no one at the pub asking me how I’m getting on in London hoping to hear not well. And no one to ask why I haven’t got some charming boyfriend yet. Especially not my ex.

I would like everyone to be able to be civil to each other just for the Christmas period, then we can all go back to our own little happy lives again.

Christmas will never be as good as it was when I was little, too many people who made Christmas what it was have passed away. The only thing that would make Christmas great again would be for my own little children running around bringing back the Christmas spirit, but that’s a while off yet. So for now, peace and harmony is all I’m asking for Santa

Hope you enjoy your cookies and milk

Mistress Mummy x

P.S Merry Christmas

Nice Not Nasty!

I’m guessing I’ve failed on my task of blogging nice things about Mr Married Man as a few have commented saying he sounds like an asshole. Oops!

Don’t worry, he isn’t. I know I don’t make him sound great at the best of times. But he is.

Today we met up for lunch. I was at my aunties in the morning, and he had an interview. (He is now redundant as of last Friday!) So we agreed to meet up after. My auntie had a few things she wanted me to sort out on her computer for her, so I helped her first before meeting him.
This made me 50 minutes late. So Mr Married Man had to doss around the tube station for 50 minutes on his own. Did he complain at all? Nope, he just greeted me with a big kiss.

We went to my favourite pub (I love pubs, they remind me of the country), and had lunch, a bottle of wine, and then some more! Well, it is Christmas after all ;)

They say time flies when you’re having fun… After four and a half hours cuddling in the pub, Mr Married Man had to go for drinks in the city. But four and a half hours being cuddled and told how much you’re loved isn’t bad.

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As I mentioned about The Deadline I decided I wanted to go to Paris. I mentioned this when we first started dated, and have brought it up at every opportunity possible since. Of course there’s always the excuse of the wife, the business and the redundancy. After Christmas I have two holiday days left to use up before March. A long weekend in Paris ;) If I have my heart set on something, I won’t stop until I’ve achieved it. I want to go to Paris, and that is that. Seriously, I never used to be this stubborn, but I quite like it!
Let’s plan to go to Paris in late Jan baby. I’ll need to work it out and it depends on the new job
So providing he gets this job, and is able to get the time off, we can go. If not, he shall have a disappointed Mistress to deal with!

Send Me Some Christmas Cheer?

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I’m in need of a bit of Christmas cheer, a good carol, or some Christmas fairy lights.

I feel like I’m living in Scrooge’s house. As I have mentioned before, I don’t own the house. And whilst I’m going home for Christmas, someone else is staying in my room, so I can’t decorate it either. This also means I have to hide everything, and leave it in a nice state. Easier said than done.

I’m at home for Christmas, so this means moping about in the middle of no where, on my own. The worst thing about Christmas is being single? It’s not. The worst thing about Christmas is having someone I love, and knowing Mr Married Man is playing happy families whilst I’m on my own telling everyone I’m single.

Then there’s my sister. She has never liked me, I took some of the attention from her when I was a baby and she has never forgiven me for this. So now she’s engaged with her own baby. She has never liked children. The baby was an ‘accident’. She loves the attention from having a baby, and her wedding. But puts little effort into either. She is already on about a second child, and this drives me crazy.

I know I sound jealous, I’m not, I’m happy for her. Does she have everything I want? Yes. But she went to Uni, and has her career as well. I never wanted that. I want to be a SAHM, and one day I shall be.

So to survive the Christmas holidays, I better find a lot of Christmas cheer, and soon. Luckily for me, I have great friends back home who will certainly cheer me up. For now, I need to finish my xmas shopping and get the presents wrapped. If you find any magical christmas dust, send it my way please!

Wind Up Merchant

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It doesn’t take much for me to get wound up over something, and for an idea to get stuck into my head. Then it won’t go away.

I’ve been feeling a bit sick recently, not as in ill. But just after I have a drink, or some food, I feel sick. Or if I’m on a hot bus I feel faint and have to get off. I have headaches, feel very tired and occasional cramps. These have just started occurring in the last few weeks. Oh, and as well as my stupid stomach expanding and that week of random hormonal crying.

I just put that down to putting the pill together.

But then the teasing started You don’t think you’re pregnant do you? No.
I knew I wasn’t. But the thought built up in my head. I looked at the caffeine and alcohol I was consuming and thought on the 1% chance (or however much it is) that I am, I could be hurting it. It’s the Christmas season though, and alcohol is necessity to survive the ‘family’ holidays.

I saw Mr Married Man last night to exchange Christmas presents. The card he got me says Merry Christmas From The Bump and he’s added ‘(to be)’. He’s thinks he’s funny. The present; a lovely necklace from Links London with three circles inside each other, to represent our family to be.

I’ll get you a pregnancy test if you’re that worried. I didn’t want one. I knew it would be negative and I’d look silly.

My best friend from home came to visit today, I told her the situation. Come on, we’ll get a test then you can stop worrying, if you are, I want to be Godmother though! So we got the test, and she spent the rest of the day trying to make me drink more. I still knew I was being silly. Lets bet on it, I think it will be negative. She thought negative too. I have never had to concentrate on weeing so much! One line appeared, negative. It was negative wasn’t it, I can tell by the huge smile on your face.

I am no longer going to let silly thoughts take over my mind… but for when they do, I have another three tests ;)

I didn’t wait the full three minutes to see the results though, maybe I should try another. Or am I just being silly again?

Its the Time of Year, For Shopping!

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The best thing about Christmas has to be the late night shopping! As soon as I finished work last night I was straight out with the girls and heading to BlueWater, still in my scruffy clothes.

I needed to buy Mr Married Man a Christmas present. I’m going home for Christmas, and he’s going to his parents to play happy families with his wife.

I love buying presents for boyfriends. But starting off is always the hardest part. Men are much harder to buy for than women for a start, and then there’s the fact he’s married. It needs to be something he could have bought himself, so not to arouse suspicion. Has to be something his wife won’t notice could be from another woman.

I didn’t know where to start. I asked him what he would like, Something inexpensive that has meaning and shows how you feel about our relationship. Erm, what? Who on earth said men were simple? I had an idea of what to get him.
Then there’s always the problem of what if I spend too little, I would hate that. I don’t mind spending too much. So I asked about budget, don’t go mad, wasn’t helpful, I needed a figure, £30. What?! I know I don’t earn much, but I can stretch to a bit more than that. I had already got him a scarf he said he liked, and that was £10 (down from £45), so leaving £20? No chance. So I bought what I wanted, and slightly exceeded the limit. Good thing I had the girls with me to help advise, as well as the sales people.
Then there’s all the small little things that go with the main present right, the novelties? You need those of course. Although, they may not be subtle enough.

I’m also slightly curious as to that he will get me, and whether he will stick to £30. He mentioned either a bracelet or a necklace, I dismissed his idea of a bracelet, I have a few expensive ones that I already don’t wear as they annoy me. I was then thinking, what is he going to get his wife?! What if he buys us the same thing? Will he spend the same on us, or more on her? And what is she going to buy him? I could always hope for divorce papers…