Mr Married Man’s noticed that I’ve been a bit distant this week.
Have you changed how you feel about us? I get the feeling somethings changed…
Quite frankly, I don’t know what I feel this week.
I said what I daren’t say yesterday. [Thanks to Mummy Bear] I just don’t know where I stand. I don’t know what’s ‘started’ and I don’t know what’s going on.
I didn’t want to ask before because I knew I wouldn’t like the answer. And I was right.
I’m not going into every discussion I have. I don’t want to have to justify why I said x or y or didn’t do a or b with you. So that’s just how it’ll have to be for now I suppose.
Hurt Or Heal made a good point yesterday. He has all the control. She’s right. And there’s not much I can do about it.
You make me so happy he said, I want to make you happy but I just seem to be making you miserable
He says this, but he knows exactly what he needs to do to make me happy. To let me know what’s going on isn’t that difficult is it?
I don’t know how I make you feel happy when I feel so sad I replied.
I have no idea what I do to make him happy, I’m mostly just grumpy all the time. I’ve told him before that when I get like this, all he has to do is give me some encouragement, such as tell me what makes him happy. As usual, he did the opposite.
If you don’t want to see me anymore then just say, I’ll understand – I’m a mess with this to sort out. And no I’m not asking, thats not what I want. But if it’s too much for you then I’ll do what’s right for you, I don’t want you to feel “so sad” because of me
I can’t say it’s because of him. It’s how I feel. Anxiety has got the better of me this week. I needed to go to the shops on Monday, but I daren’t. I can’t face people looking at me.
I feel like you’re against me I said.
I do, I feel like he’s pushing me away by not telling me anything. And not listening to what I say, just turning it on me. Oh, hello tears.
I have no clue what you’re talking about. Literally, not the faintest idea. he replied.
I need lots of cuddles on Friday… If I make it to Friday I said
If you make what to Friday? You mean us? I don’t understand you or what’s promting all this. Beyond bloody hormones and time of the month. It’s upsetting me and I don’t know why you’re being like this – over what? I’ve only ever tried my best to be nice to you, kind, caring, honest and open about my situation as I can. Ah, forget it. Talk later.
He’s taken everything I said and turned it to be about him, and now he’s upset. Men make no sense. He did later apologise though, and said the last thing he ever wants to do is make me unhappy, ever.
It’s that old clique I said, It’s not you, it’s me 
What is it? Or do you not want to talk about it? he repied.
I tried talking about it but you just got mad and upset. So lets forget about it.
I thought he’d push a bit further here, want to know what was wrong. But he didn’t. Ok deal.
So that’s the end of that. I’m going to bury my feelings and not talk to him about them, seems as it gets me nowhere anyway.
Lisa Simpson: But I’m so angry
Marge Simpson: You’re a woman. You can hold on to it forever
