Tag Archives: morning after pill

Contraception Fail

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Someone has got it in for me this month.

I know I said I would leave it down to fate, but this is taking the piss.

To recap how much I’m failing this month:

Took 3 pills at once and threw up. That’s protection gone.

Had sex, took morning after pill. Didn’t throw it up.

Had sex, used pull out method. Only Mr Married Man didn’t pull out. Can’t take morning after pill twice in a month.

Took pills properly for 7 days, protection back.

Had sex. Few days later threw up again. Protection gone.

So I am SO close to the end of the packet, not that many of the pills stayed in my system for long. I need more pills now. I didn’t change my Dr since moving to London, so my mum posts my contraception to me. Just incase everything goes tits up and I move back home.

I rang the Drs. Receptionist always sounds grumpy. I don’t like Dr’s. Thats also probably something to do with why I didn’t change.

She said I can’t have my pills, because I need a blood pressure test and I last had one in 2010. I can’t go home for a blood pressure test. I’m screwed.

I now need to register to a Dr down here, and beg for some more pills.

I’m slightly ruining my idea of fate now. Because most of this is my fault. Or someone up there just wants me to get pregnant.

Trust

Everything is based on trust. If you trusted no one, you would be very iscolated. I trust everyone. I am far too trusting at times. But as soon as you break that trust, it’s gone. It will take a long long time to get it anywhere as near as it was before.

So I trust Mr Married Man 100%. And you. Yes, you too. Not you though. I trust my friends as well, I love them all to pieces. Something like this helps you tell them apart, from the ones who will give me advice when I need it and be discrete, to the ones who shout out to everyone in the pub ‘She’s shagging a married man!’ several times.

Of course I have my doubts at times about Mr Married Man. Little insecurities that nag away at me, little thoughts I should’t have. Doesn’t everyone? I can ignore them though.

But this lack of self control on Monday got to me. He lied to me. He said he would pull out, but when it came to it (excuse the pun!), he didn’t.

Aww, you’re shaking! Come back to bed baby
*gets in bed*
Are you cold?
I’m not shaking because I’m cold
Why are you shaking then?.. Oi… Why are you shaking?… Talk to me… What are you thinking?
I’m thinking breathe in, breathe out
What? What are you thinking really?
I’m thinking about breathing!

If I panic, I start shaking. If I start shaking, I forget to breathe. It sounds ridiculous I know. How can someone forget to breathe, right? I have to focus on my breathing to stop shaking and calm down. What panicked me more was that I started shaking in the first place. I never wanted that to happen ever again.

This started with my ex. (Ghosts Of Christmas Past)
It was the emotional things I couldn’t hack. I’ve put up with a lot of rubbish from my family, but from someone who was meant to love me, I couldn’t handle it. That’s when the shaking began.
It stopped when I moved away.

I was mad with myself for shaking. I didn’t want to shake. I couldn’t hide it. I also didn’t want to be in this position again. Back to The Morning After The Afternoon Before. That was last week, last year. I didn’t want to go back there. He offered to get me it. I knew he didn’t want to though. I declined.

The Morning After the Afternoon Before

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Go on, shout it at me ‘I told you so’ I give you permission, because you did.

I was just a little bit too stubborn to listen. So at 00:38 and 2:00 am this morning there I was throwing up my whole days consumption.. of a diet coke and three pills. And swearing a little bit on twitter. My apologies.

So I’ve been messaging Mr Married Man all day about my slight mishap. So you’re saying you forgetting your pills and then throwing up isn’t fate? It’s not fate, it’s my stubbornness. I knew if I took 3 pills I’d get sick. But stupidly I still did it.

I could just not take the morning after pill and have a baby due 27th September. I could go to Paris, get engaged and get a flat with Mr Married Man.

The only thing really stopping me is my sisters wedding, and my family. He knows this. My Grandma’s health is not getting any better, and if I were to get pregnant I think it would be the end of her.

I know how much he wants us to have a baby, but he’s still telling me to take the morning after pill as he knows it’s not the right time for me. See, he’s not a bad guy after all. He even offered to pay for it.

I wish I could just stop taking pills altogether. They drive me crazy, make me cry too much and make me think stupid things. I have had a headache all day, but won’t take tablets for it, because I’ve had enough of them.

I think you know the right thing to do, so go and get the morning after pill now. We’ve got plenty of time for this baby, and when you’ve planned for it on your side

So I have the morning after pill, and going to see Mr Married Man for a chat before taking it. Plus side affects involve vommiting, so he can hold my hair back if that happens ;)

At £25 it isn’t cheap, but worth it for peace of mind, for now

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